Musings

The most difficult issues that we face in life come from within us and are exacerbated by the people whom we hold near and dear to our hearts. I have oftentimes wondered why it is that my family can upset me so much when the same or similar actions from others are so easily handled or less stressful. The thought that comes to my mind in my contemplation has two primary focuses: familiarity and expectation. It is from these two perspectives that I will base my argument that our dearest friends and family are the ones that give us the most grief. I will try to address them in the order in which I listed them.

Our family and friends are the ones with which we have generally spent the most time. Over the time of our interaction, we think that we know who they are. However, as important issues arise in life, we find more and more that we don’t really know the mind of those whom we thought we knew. We think that because we have conversed with them on a level unlike others, we should know how they will respond in times of controversy and conflict. Generally, our times together are relatively peaceful, but sometimes, they can become quite heated. The reality is that we are quite unfamiliar with the ones we thought we knew and that unfamiliarity is unsettling to us. That is a shocker for us because we don’t expect them to be the way they really are. For instance, I reared my children with the proper instructions, but did they listen? Are they living the lifestyle that I would like for them to live? Are they following the instructions that were given to them? Are they walking in the way that I would like them to walk? The answer is unequivocally, no. That goes against every one of my expectations. I know the teaching was solid, and they seemed to be listening. Even Jesus struggled with the issue of familiarity after he started his ministry and went back home to Nazareth. The question was, “Is not this Joseph’s son?” Their familiarity with him and his family did not bode well for his ministry there.

The ministry and message of Jesus was contrary to their expectations. He was the son of a carpenter in their eyes, and they did not expect him to do the miracles that he did and talk with the authority of someone what had been to be best of synagogues for his teaching. He was not a member of the Pharisaical sect, a scribe, a member of the Sadducean council, or a lawyer. He was expected to follow in the footsteps of his earthly father. Their expectations were based in their unfamiliarity with his pedigree. They did not know or believe that he was the Son of God. Their understanding of “being about his father’s business” was that he would learn and practice the trade of Joseph not the work and word of God. Because I know the teachings that I gave to my children and that they were under my care and nurture, I expect so much more from them.

That is the way it is with others whom I hold with great affinity. I don’t desire or expect them to be so much different than I am. We spend too much time interacting with each other for us to be so different. When you rub a needle against a magnet, it takes on the qualities of the magnet. That is the way we should be in our relationships. We should have more influence on our loved ones. But, I must not forget the aphorism “Familiarity breeds contempt.” What a paradox!
We truly do live our lives in a very judgmental fashion. When people don’t respond the way we anticipate them responding, it becomes upsetting for us. My